5 LDR lessons

"The room suddenly spinning, she walks up at you and asks how you are. So you can smell her perfume, you see her lying naked in her arms."

A few days ago, I have been invited to join this exclusive contest that tackles the sad reality of some, missing out due to distance. I would be blogging about it on my "professional" blog than here, if it wouldn't hurt anyone to have me talk about missing out on life due to distance. I was in a long distance relationship for almost four years. Those four years were hard--but also very easy, come to think of it. Days passed faster, months meant nothing, each minute only mattered when our timelines met. Those four years were valuable, though agreed, there's a unique blend of sadness that flows through the veins of a long distance relationship. There's the anxiety of not knowing, of patiently waiting and of losing one another through the inevitable way life can take away things. Don't get me wrong, I still think long distance relationship's possible, I knew we would've made it if we didn't lose a lot along the way, but it's hard. It's hard to miss out.

So let me give a few thoughts on how to make long distance relationship work. Warning, this is not a success story. This is coming from someone, who learned.

1. Keep lines open.
The harder time is against you, the more those lines should be open. We're lucky we have technology. Imagine how difficult it was ages back when people can only rely on telegrams and snail mail to connect with a loved one living afar. Take advantage of the comforts made available by this modern world. You don't have to talk 24/7, please get some sleep and give each other "psychological space", but bridge that atmosphere with quality conversations so the "geographic space" between you will not grow into an abyss. It's easy to lose things in translation, so be open. Be interested, genuinely. Every little thing you share as a couple would be foundation to what you can share when finally, you beat that distance down to the ground.

2. Celebrate occasions.
I know this may sound funny because you're apart, but the times either of you stayed up late just to greet the other a Happy Valentine counts. See the blessing being apart grants. At least you get extended holidays (her and your timeline means at least 48 hours of Christmas). Greet her. The holidays are painful when you can't spend them with your special someone, with every couple rubbing their togetherness on you even! So greet her. For the mushiness, for the romantic notions and for the comfort it would bring. Never forget the occasions. The things that you can afford to not miss out, take them. They matter.

3. Don't live vicariously through each other. Be your own person.
Make use of the time you don't get to spend together as a time you can dedicate to your own becoming. It's so easy to be so attached to technology, but don't smother each other with attention at the expense of your personal growth. Consider the long distance period as gestation time. It's time for you to grow and nurture that life you will someday share with each other. If you trust in the strength of your relationship, you should trust that living a life individually is not tantamount to foregoing life in a relationship. Growth and space, these are things that long distance couples can very much enjoy while the situation is still less than ideal. Become, then share. It will help each of you gain the respect of the other in the long run.

4. Be optimistic.
We girls are great in being anxious. We girls are amazing at over-analyzing things and even self-deprecation, don't you think? Relax. See the good things in every situation, and people, especially your partner. Dark thoughts are strong and can eat up every hint of light in a situation, it's your duty to keep at least a flicker alive. Don't be too afraid and never forget what lit that little flicker up in the first place. When you always keep in mind what made you risk it all and be in a long distance relationship in the first place, you're bound to surpass every dark corner.

5. Keep your promises.
Trust is the number one thing that makes a long distance relationship capable. Keep your promises, even the little ones, because the little shards of broken promises you collect, they pierce deeply.

So anyway, today wasn't supposed to be the launch of my I Love 5 section but heck. Songs inspire.

Today I felt a good kind of missing, something people who are or have been in a long distance relationship must be familiar with, I assume. It's the type of missing you can feel warm and fuzzy and thankful for. It's the type of missing that serves as a reminder, refresher and even as a re ignition of every promise and every plan you made with your partner, even when she's far.

"You just have to see her, you just have to see her, you just have to see her, you know that she'll break you in two."

Confession, I guess I love ghosts, and You?