Sleep when you're dead.

I like it best when I write when my body (so to speak) is very sleepy when my head (or mind) is on fire. It's like chasing after lightning... you just don't know who's after who.

Right now, I have to say, I am sleepy as fuck. I just tweeted that, in fact, and no better place to judge a person that her private other worldly world (ie. secret twitter hideout). It's a sunday, and unlike most people, I am not resting. I am painfully working on weekends, my day off is what most people hate to call as Monday. I am hoping to change these things with "smart" choices that I, likewise, should be capable of executing with grace. I don't really know what's ahead--which leaves me frozen scared of each passing minute.

I try to move as fast as I can just so I would run out of air and run out of energy, perhaps in perfect sync as I run out of time. Chances are, I will fail miserably at this. Then again, I should be silly enough to wager on myself, right? I should be my own believer.

I'm so sleepy, I'm running after the blurred letters of my laptop. Surprisingly, I have not committed my seriel typography--oh wait. I knew it was too early to say something!

So I decided to write her because it's been one week into this supposedly amazing 2013. Nothing amazing has yet to happen, and I am struck with disappointment because my expectations were high beginning the first. It's been a week into this year of opportunities and here I am sleepy.

I hope tomorrow will be beautiful. My fingers are also crossed hoping that the iron will be ready, and that someone will strike. I feel like I need that jolt of life. Well, actually. right now I just want a home.

My mom is nagging me for PIN codes for two ATM accounts that I turned over to her because I needed to break free from the free access to those accounts (suffice it to say, I ended up with a 60k debt when I had access). She's insisting that I can remember that those are passwords that I can remember. I already told her I forgot. I gave my best try and provided the possible combinations I could've assigned those accounts, but I really am not sure. The accounts are at risk at being closed/captures if noone can remember the PIN codes. Is it my fault for forgetting after I have turned the responsibility over? Was it my fault to expect that relinquishing the responsibility gave me freedom to forget? I don't feel bad at all. I just feel a bit temperamental over the hopelessness of the situation. I'm a responsible person so I hate when irresponsible people rub off on me.

I just need a home--I fear that I have to build that from scratch and on my own. But a home is a right every person should be able to invoke.